random thoughts and serious attempts

enneagram

2012-02-01T11:22:00.000+01:00

After finishing the other article I continued to read the thread You Know You're An ISFP When...
I didn't get further than the fist post of page five.

It's a good place to be, happy with one's self and what one is/does.

People demand so much of one. While books and TV, well I willingly give to those. It's much harder with people -- they're so... unpredictable: Will they hate me if I feel this particular way about an issue? Why can't they accept that we all have differing opinions and that it doesn't make anyone less than anyone else -- as long as it's an educated opinion and not one based blind ignorance and obstinacy? And even then they're not less, just... something else and who they are. I hate the judgmental feeling of associating with people... always their eyes watching, looking for a perceived flaw or a misstep. *shudders*

I think my entertainment choice is partially due to upbringing and an individual preference... I look at the books and movies listed in the 'favourites' thread and think "My I have no interest in these." or "Am I so obscure with my interests or so obtuse with my material of choice that no one can associate with me?"

Then again, I was reared on science fiction and fantasy and British humor and find I haven't the patience for the more popular entertainments... I don't get the grating humor of most sitcoms. Or those crude, uncouth, and tasteless cartoon shows which are so popular now. Or anything that seems to ignore manners in favor of portraying the worst society can rear. *sigh*

Funny too because I'm quite an open-minded person and very much dislike prejudices against people and things. I just don't understand how crudeness or rudeness is funny or allowable. I guess having an adoration for Robert Heinlein's works and the somewhat idyllic Pern novels coloured my view of how things should be and how one should strive to live: by that oft forgotten Golden Rule. :)

I guess one can see this as an addition to you know you're an ISFP when... if anyone else thinks along a similar vein... Got a little... sidetracked.

I just thought: THIS! This is me. Exactly. I was so excited that someone else felt this way that I wanted to answer. Therefor I had to register at the forum and while doing that I was asked which enneagram type I am. Since I didn't know, I took the test. There is also a nice long article about this enneagram thing. I haven't read it yet myself, so I cannot say anything about it.

Turns out I'm type 5 with a 6 wing "The Scientist". I have no idea what that means, but fortunately there is a long text explaining the result. My comments will be in italics.

Withdrawn at least fits with the personality test result of being introverted.

Whether I am competent I cannot say.

People in general agree that I am intelligent, so I will agree with this.

Your tritype is 5w6, 1w2, 2w1.
In enneagram theory, you have one type for how you relate to the world (either 8, 9, or 1), one type for how you think (5, 6, 7) and one type for how you see yourself (2, 3, 4.) Your tri-type contains one number from each of these triads. They are listed in the order of how strongly they present in your personality.

So much about being intelligent. I don't understand this at all.

Your core type (your strongest type) is Type 5 with a 6 wing: Type Five individuals are cerebral, intelligent, and complex. Type Five is often called the Investigator type, because they are constantly trying to learn more about the world. To a Five, knowledge is power, and knowing more about the world around them makes the world a safer place. It’s common for a Five to withdraw into their own thoughts and ruminate on intricate ideas and concepts. Type Fives, when they are in a growth state, become self-confident and authoritative like a Type Eight. When they are stressed, Type Fives become scattered like an unhealthy Type Seven. You are a Type Five with a Six wing, which means that the cerebral nature of a Type Five combines with the troubleshooting thought style of a Type Six. This makes Type 5w6 the Enneagram type of the stereotypical scientist – the 5w6 is always creating new ideas and testing them.

My mother once said to me that I wasn't curious as a child. I didn't agree with her. Maybe we were both right. I know I did want to know how things worked, but I might not have been curious enough to actually bother someone.

Your second type (your next strongest type) is Type 1 with a 2 wing: Type One individuals have a very finely tuned sense of right and wrong, and they chart the course of their lives by following a righteous path. This doesn’t have to be religious… it can be any set of principles that the Type One finds ethical. Ones are perfectionists, often setting high standards for themselves and others. Type One may very well be the noblest type in the Enneagram. When a Type One is in a state of growth, they become excited and joyous like a Type Seven. When a Type One is stressed, they become emotional and overwhelmed like an unhealthy Type Four. You are a Type One with a Two wing, which means that the righteous traits of a Type One combine with the helpful nature of a Type Two. This makes you naturally inclined to advocate on behalf of other people, and the welfare of others is probably an important part of your worldview.

Wow.

Your third type (the least-used of the three) is Type 2 with a 1 wing: Type Two individuals are generous and kind. Twos love others and want to be loved, and becoming close to others is a theme in the life of the Two. This is why Two is often referred to as the Helper type – because they keep coming, time and time again, to the aid of others. Out of all the types in the Enneagram, Twos are the most likely to help someone when they’re feeling down or when they’re being attacked. When a Type Two is stressed, they can become aggressive like an unhealthy Type Eight. When they’re healthy, a Type Two becomes emotionally aware like a healthy Type Four. You are a Type Two with a One wing, which means that the helpful nature of the Two combines with the idealistic nature of the One to make a very humanitarian personality.

Awesome. Just awesome.

Some words that describe you: principled, moralistic, perfectionist, self-critical, generous, helpful, selfless, loving, intelligent, cerebral, questioning.

I cannot disagree with anything in there. So, I will re-take the test and answer differently. Let's see if the other options might fit as well...
I put 5 for all the questions in the first section and then always chose the first option for the other two sections. The result: Type 6 with a 7 wing: "The Loyal Friend". It oddly fits as well. Then again, I answered a lot of the questions with 5 the first time, too.
Well, time to go opposite: Type 8 with a 7 wing: "The Maverick".

You're an Eight with a Seven wing, which means that the outgoing nature of Seven combines with the assertive nature of Type Eight to create one of the most dynamic types in the Enneagram. Type 8w7s are a force to be reckoned with.

That is not me. Sounds more like my mother...

You are a Type Six with a Seven wing, which means that the committed nature of the Six combines with the outgoing nature of the Seven to create a very engaging personality.

Nah, Cannot claim this either.

You are a Type Four with a Three wing, which means that the individualistic desire of Type Four combines with the ambitious nature of the Type Three. This means that you’re more likely to show off your unique self to others.

And again: not who I am.

I consider this proof enough, that the test is not like most tests in teeny magazines where every result somehow fits.

Considering that I do not claim to be a decisive person I answered a few questions with 3 the first time, meaning that I did not decide whether it is more true or false. The second result is not wrong, but I don't think it fits 100% and it certainly did not have that Wow!-effect on me like the first result had.

I guess it's time to read what Freud said about this...

isfp

2012-02-01T10:00:00.001+01:00

so, I was doing this personality test and it says I'm an ISFP.

Precise result:
Introversion/Extroversion: 89,29% / 10,71%
Sensation/Intuition: 55,88% / 44,12%
Feeling/Thinking: 54,29% / 45,71%
Perceiving/Judging: 73,91% / 26,09%

I'm not sure, but I believe that such a huge difference between introversion and extroversion cannot be good. Especially when I read the description of this particular trait.

Your first preference is toward introversion, which means that you get your energy from interacting with your rich inner world. You tend to be reflective and contemplative. You likely prefer to have a few close friends instead of many acquaintances.

The only sentence I can agree with is the one in the middle.
I don't know about getting energy from interacting with my rich inner world. Sure, there are some fiction-like scenes I can zoom in and kind of zoom out of everything connected to the real world I live in. But most of the time that interaction is with things from the real world that have gotten stuck in there. And they certainly do not supply me with energy...
I also don't know whether I would rather like to only have a few friends instead of a bevy of acquaintances. Currently I have a few acquaintances. I do not believe that this is a good compromise. And why can't I have both. Friends and acquaintances are two different things in my opinion. I can have a few close friends and lots of acquaintances. Actually, I'm not sure whether I would like for anyone to know me well enough to call me a friend. Acquaintance sounds safe.

Your second preference is for sensation. Sensors are pragmatic, precise people who are very detail oriented. Instead of looking at the big picture first, Sensors concentrate on specifics. They highly value experience and often have an excellent memory.

Memory is a weird thing. It's coupled with emotion. If you don't feel anything about whatever you are supposed to remember, then you will forget it. If the feeling coupled with the memory is positive then it will fade with time. But no matter what you try to forget a negative memory, it'll stick around.
But yes, I often get lost in details and my memory is better than some people would believe.

Your third preference is for feeling. Feeling, in this sense, has little to do with emotion. Feelers look for the subjective qualities in a situation that give it meaning and importance. Feelers are often less concerned with precise facts and more about what's right and wrong.

It's good that the percentages in this category is so close to 50% though the tendency is clearly on the feeling side. Sometimes precise facts make everything more complicated. However, sometimes they are crucial.
Normally, I don't base my opinion of whether something is right or wrong on these facts. It's like forming a first impression, if it looks bad then it's most likely wrong, if it looks too good then it's most likely wrong, if neither is the case then it is either right or I don't care. The precise facts come after this initial impression of the situation and may, depending on their nature, change my opinion. But as I said, sometimes I do not need facts. Some things simply are wrong.

Your fourth preference is for perceiving. Perceivers are flexible and spontaneous, working in spurts of energy instead of pursuing strict deadlines. You often wait to make decisions in order to take in new information.

This is again a very clear result. I believe it is mostly based on the fact that I'm not decisive. At all. And I'm not only waiting for new information. Mostly I'm waiting for some kind of confirmation that my decision is not wrong. Of course, that seldom happens. I only make decisions when I absolutely have to.

At the end of the test there was a link to a forum where you can chat with other people who somehow found their way to the site and know their personality type. And this is where I come to the reason for this post. The thread called:

You Know You're An ISFP When...

Here are the ones I like the most:

You know you are an ISFP when, you know the difference between a 2B and a B pencil.
You know you're an ISFP when you'll procrastinate, and procrastinate, but in the end, even if you end up staying up all night, you'll get the work done...mostly that is.
You know you're an ISFP when you agree with someone verbally but not actually agreeing with it in your head.
You know you're an ISFP when you find yourself participating in debates in your head, while the other people get frustrated you're not joining in, or try to join in, rather unsucessfully and just end up feeling drained.
You know you're an ISFP when you have an uncanny ability to draw, write, play music, etc.
When your school folder is covered with doodles.
you love beauty. Not just human beauty (inner and outer).. but animals, trees, water, flowers, art, architecture, mountains, random objects.. etc
You know you're an ISFP when you've got to be leaving for the train station in fifteen minutes but are still in your dressing gown, not having eaten breakfast, with wet hair, on a forum thinking 'it'll be fiiine, I'll get ready in time'. >_> <_<
When you listen to music for the melodies and sounds, rather than to pay attention to the lyrics.
When your "my pictures" folder on your pc is full of unorganised pretty photos/pictures you found on the internet.
You know you're an ISFP when you intentionally sugarcoat everything so you can avoid having to being confronted and asked 20 questions about it.
You know you're an ISFP when one of your fears is being trapped in a car with an extremely opinionated and intense person that wants to know everything that is going on with you.
You know you're an ISFP when you have the ability to live for today.
When you stick your head out of the car window just to feel the wind on your face.
when you open up something because you enjoy the smell of it.
when you cant finish you're 2 week long perfectionist piece of artwork because you got bored with it.
when you dont eat the whole day because you were "too busy to eat."
when you suddenly come up with an "ingenious" idea at 12 at night and go do that the whole night instead of sleeping... oh and i forgot, you have an exam in the morning.
When you walk into a room and your eyes immediately focus on something that's been moved or changed.
You know you're an ISFP if being fair is really important to you.
You know you're an ISFP if your room or workspace is just like your brain.... Everywhere.
....when no matter how many times you took the MBTI, you never would believe your type until you ran across the above mentioned thread and saw yourself undeniably reflected back at you

Actually, this is almost every line posted so far and I'm only on page 4 of ...uhm ...a lot more (I don't want to scroll down).

Since I should be working on the computers, I'm going to finish here and procrastinate somewhere else...

Thank you for reading.

random thought #1

2012-01-11T20:31:00.000+01:00

is it possible to merge two laptops into one with two screens?

Karma is a bitch...

2011-12-12T20:18:00.001+01:00

I understand the urge to kill someone.

For no particular reason. Just to see how it is like. How it feels to take someone's life.

Don't panic. No need for alarm here. I live by the Golden Rule. And though I also want to know how it feels to be on the receiving end, the fact, that I wont live to tell the tale keeps me from doing anything. I don't want to die, so I will not end another life either. For me it's as easy as that.

Other people however do not life by that rule. For some, that 'voice' is stronger than reason. I know how that feels, though in a different context: unconquerable and unreasonable fear. Height, large dogs and strange people.

Throughout school* there were several medical examinations that we had to go through. First at the age of five or six. The most important I think, since this examination says whether we are allowed to go to school next term or not. Then the dentist each year in elementary school and a few times after that. And at last when about 16 there is a general examination, determining your general physical health.

Oddly, after that first examination, no one cares whether you are mentally healthy. And honestly, that first examination is also only able to filter out deeply disturbed children.

There is so much time in wich so much can go wrong. So much time in which they could have been helped. So much cheaper, too, than having to pay for someone's upkeep for the rest of their life, because you cannot possibly let them free again. What a waste.

Children and teens running amok and killing their teachers and co-students. Whose fault? Bad video games? Mobbing? The parents? Does it matter anymore?

Who could have prevented it? And why didn't they?

Childcare services should include preventive messures. Medical examinations in school should include psychological examinations as well.

But of course, no one can be a hero if there are no victims...

http://guardoflives.tumblr.com

*I live in Germany.

1993

2011-07-14T02:05:00.001+02:00

1993.

Bill Clinton succeeds George H.W. Bush as the 42nd President of the United States of America.
A truck bomb detonated below the North Tower of the World Trade Center.
Czechoslovakia got velvetly divorced and seperated into the Czech Republic and Slowakia.
In Manassas, Virginia, Lorena Bobbitt cuts off the penis of her husband John Wayne Bobbitt.
Windows NT 3.1, the first version of Microsoft's line of Windows NT operating systems, is released to manufacturing.
For the first time, the public is allowed inside Buckingham Palace.
Audrey Hepburn, Brandon Lee, River Phoenix, Frank Zappa and William Golding die.
And some new celebreties are born.
(Source: Wikipedia)

1993.

In Saxony, which is conveniently situated in the east of Germany, bordering the Czech Republic, people were still learning what freedom really means.

Amidst all those new things they never knew they needed were some things they very well knew existed on the other side of the border that seperated Germany for 40 years. And with all the new possibilities to spend your money rather than save it, came new possiblities to waste your time while you were not out buying all the glittery things. A multitude of TV-Channels (and in color too!) was hooking the media-starved ex-nation.

My mother got addicted to prime time soap operas. My father had recently discovered music television.

One random night, he had my mother wake me long past bedtime. He did not ask for any of my sisters. Only me. He wanted to show me a particular music video. It was Meat Loaf -I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That). I do not remember what I thought of it. I do remember that I felt special.

1993.

I remember how I started the year. Actually, I remember that I missed the start of the year. My younger sister and I were away to a health resort for six weeks. We left home shortly after christmas and came back in february. It was the first time we were somewhere without our parents. I developed a few dislikes there, but that is another story. There was a day, halfway through the stay I believe, when all the parents would visit, and of course our parents and sister were there too. On the last day everyone wept. Well, almost. I was just watching everyone weep. I did not understand why they did. Certainly, I had become friends with my roommates, but I knew I would not miss them. I shed no tear for the friends I would never see again. I shed no tear when my father fetched us. It was only when I was finally back at home and saw my mother again that I started to cry.

1993.

The schoolyear ended one day before my birthday. Surprisingly I was third best in my class and would go to grammar school after the summer holidays. It was my eleventh birthday and I wanted what most other children this age wanted and still want today, a Gameboy. Granted, the 2011-generation of about-ten-year-olds do not want that particular console, but even though it is now called Nintendo DS, it still is a Gameboy at heart.
Since a Gamyboy was an expensive toy, considering that my parents had to deal with four children, I had to decide whether I would have the Gameboy or the game as my birthday present. I would get the other the day before as a gift for being such a smart student. At that age I felt cheated. Neither would be of any use until the next day. I do not remember what my final choice was. The game, however, was Tetris. I never much liked it. My mother did like it very much.

1993.

Christmas. Biggest present was a PC. Since this was an even more expensive thing it was given to all children equally.
I do not remember whether I was awake or asleep when the year finally ended.

When I started writing this, it was more about how most of my happy childhood memories feature my father. He was a magician at one point, conjuring chocolate bars under our pillows. He taught me how to pilfer the box with the chocolate and not get caught (well, actually, he only told me I should wash my mouth afterwards). He taught me to ride my bike. We had loads of fun.
My mother would be the one to punish and discipline us. She would have us sit down and write one sentence over and over again. Neat and clean. She would be the one to make us clean our room. She would be the one to forbid things. Always her. Never my father.
She was the one cooking and cleaning. At one point, when I was about three and it was cleaning day again, she had us sit in our room for lunch. When she came in with our meals she was on rollerskates. She would also always sing along with whatever music she was listening to while cleaning and cooking. She was no housewife. She had work most of the time. And she worked hard. But I did not know that then.
She has always been there. Maybe that is why I never felt the need to memorize her.

When I started writing this, I also did not know that all this had happened in the same year. I am still trying to remember if that is really true. It always felt like memories of several years. Yet, it cannot be different. It is possible that the stay at the health resort was a year before, but no more, and most likely not, because my sister would have been too young otherwise. And under no circumstances can any of this have happened after 1993.